zamykam oczy

to escape to some other space-time I watch my photos. seaside from two years ago. Germany from autumn and winter. I'm finishing off with today's shots: glaciers and waterfalls. the author of the photos always remembers not only what's in the frame, but also the aura of the particular day. and today hurts. so it was good to see this day right next to the past. it's like taking a three meter distance from it. taking a breath.

that women should deceive me and hurt me in their immature uncertainty has almost become tradition in my life. I'm fighting for it, but it might be that it's against her. maybe I'll get back only to discover that I've become past to her. O. is on alert, like she's always been. on the phone night and day. yet there's nothing that can be done. my ass is being kicked masterfully once again. it's a fact.
sleep deprivation, obsession, a lot of tears. I met her exactly three months ago for the first time.
why does it all keep on happening when I close my eyes?