can you read me

If it was the Alps, not the Himalaya, what they call the roof of the world, I would go on the top of it and scream to her that she's HURTING ME, till she'd realize it, till something would change.
because I won't be in Poland until next Sunday and I have no idea what to do with the pain and insecurity all this time.
it's O.'s birthday today, but since O. is O., she spends it on the phone, boosting my self-esteem. yet I need evidence to believe in things. and facts contradict O.'s words.

I had a feeling She might do it all. I knew She's done it before to other women. funny how you always believe a miracle to happen exactly when you need it. it didn't happen. I feel like I'm dragging some broken part of me along. I still don't understand how She could do it to me.