.

she's hot
I was frozen

I'm sad

not because of unfulfillment
but because of something that Sheldon Cooper would call missing the warmth of human companionship.
[I'd skip the nasty laughter part, though.]

whatizit

I can't sleep at dawn and I feel sick.
it's like my body and subconsciousness knew about something of which I am not aware yet.

she again

new instructor salutation

I'm slowly recovering after the Caucasus. I'm waiting for my young and flexible selective memory to deal with a few traumas I experienced up there; to suppress it and to leave only the public banya, the moonscape near Yerevan and professor Tatyana, whose kolkhoz soul was just like our Olga's. After Georgian hardest winter ever I yearn for sunlight, I literally have a craving for summer. Meanwhile, here in Warsaw it looks like winter is going to rain itself to death.

I'm dreadfully sleepy, as if I'd drunk or fooled around all night. My missish excitement caused by yoga classes with an unearthly instructor made me unable to fall asleep and woke me up before 7. Her face, her body. Nature can do that. And yoga will crown the work. Too bad she's not a public figure – I would post her photo below.

I don't know how to help people around and myself with the late winter collapse. The Shrove Thursday and other harmful pleasures don't seem to have gotten us right. In my case M83's concert was supposed to do that, but then there was their accident and the show was cancelled. I expected yoga to help as well, but you already know how I ended up. So it looks like I'm left with only one thing. Alas! No stable partner, no sex. So I'll stick to my desperados instead.

stay & watch

living in herds is something I truly believe in
but somehow cannot put into practice.

isolation brings stories about oneself
which get verified in the clear and simple mirror of another human being
without any inquiry about permission or state of mind.
isolation favors abstraction, daydreaming and wishful thinking.
communication requires literal reality and common language of immediate associations.
living in herds is a bitter medicine I need in order not to go crazy with my raging neurosis.

transformations

leaving the agency was weird. I'd been sure they didn't want me to stay there just as much as I didn't want to work for them. but when the flowers and hugs came, I got confused. I gave a speech.
and then at 4 pm I left.
I'm officially unemployed now.

HELL YEAH! :)

off to Georgia. wish me luck.