just a few nights before spring comes

February was vivid.
at nights I went to J.'s place across the whole city. alcohol, cigarettes, four hours of sleep before I go to work. curiosity, touch, February nights can actually be hot.
halfway through the month I had short holidays in Barcelona. cold nights, sunny days. sailboats in the port. we were riding the bikes along the rows of palms. rioja, the stress and grief mode OFF. we were sitting at the roof, the Brazilian guy was rolling himself a cigarette, a ray of sun fell into the bottle and he said, life is beautiful. I texted J. all the time and was glad that when I get back to grey Warsaw covered with the remains of dirty snow, that drunk dwarf would be waiting and I'd see her soon.

there was enough will only for one evening. afterwards, she bet on distance between us, I checked twice. unease, sleep deprivation. at work they called an ambulance for me. is your heart all right? finally, I laid down my cards and last night at 2.30 I took a taxi home.

Without chances, without options
I’ll give you everything,
Sun and moon, you are going down and down,
You're already at the bottom, poor man
Unpleasant sleep, last year's snow
In your words there is lie and emptiness
You forgot to recognize the actual me