f

people have sentenced me to ostracism due to my sexual preferences
what makes things worse
the sentence involves my [heterosexual] flatmate as well
what makes things hilarious
she doesn't give a shit and suggests we should appear at the next party [on Wednesday] as a couple. [the problematic part, I'm not invited.]
the ever chirping A. leaves for her Erasmus exchange, farewell party next Friday, I don't know what I don't feel like more: going there, but having an excuse not to go home on Friday, or going home. of course, I can skip the party and make up a reason not to go home just as well. it's just, I don't like telling lies.
winter's back to Warsaw, the palm at the de Gaulle's roundabout looks like sprinkled with icing sugar, I like standing behind it and watching it as it gets overgrown by the arc of buildings at the Jerusalem Avenue.
yesterday I bought super tasty white grapes. we ate them at night, they were firm and ripe.
the end of the winter term at the university turns out cunningly successful to me; the last exam on Tuesday.
yesterday one of my relationships was called a friendship. I discovered with satisfaction that it was an appropriate name for it.
in February I'm going to spend three nights in Riga. I look forward to visiting the town, but I'm scared to death by the company.
I'm losing the contact with my parents.
having watched I Killed My Mother, I'm totally crazy about Xavier Dolan. he has made an excellent movie and has beautiful teeth. and lips.
this week was a killer, working in a rush, little sleep. if it hadn't been for a few gorgeous women, it would have been really hard to take.
Saturday [today] morning, a conversation on gender:
some time ago, I wanted to get my breasts removed
you would actually like to be a man?
I would pack my bag and leave the town.
and being a woman, you can't?
no.
?
society/norms/roles.
don't turn a man, plz.
I'd be gay for sure.
I can't imagine a life without women in my most intimate spheres.
man's life is easier.
but more boring.
true. and somewhere on a deeper level, although I really like my male friends, I kind of despise them.
don't get your breasts removed.
look, your loudspeaker's back looks like an awesome cunt.
***
I've lost some weight and I'm pale.
having gotten through lots of academic texts on intercultural relationships has created a very pleasant ferment in my head. successful relationships are about negotiating mutually acceptable identities.
I admire A. for her clear-headedness and pragmatism. I admire O. for her ambitiousness. I admire M. for her beauty, intelligence and creativity. it's fantastic when you can be proud of women around you.
and tonight I'm going to learn social semiotics. with Kontroll soundtrack in the background.