Page one.
Kiev, Andriyivskyy
Descent, October 20th.
Yesterday I
saw Diana Arbenina live for the first time. She comes out and says: don’t wait
for any support, just live your life. As if she was saying this to me. And then
just as if she was singing my lines: I can’t, I can’t take it any more.
Andriyivskyy
Descent. I have smoked two sobranies: a purple one and a pistachio-green one.
Green tea,
gloves that I bought yesterday with T and P.
I was a bit
afraid to be alone in a big city that I don’t know at all. And now it feels
like it’s what I needed: a few stains of sunlight, yellowed linden tree, empty
tables. Green tea and cigarettes make good company. They never judge, never watch.
Never assume.
The wind
gets up.
Page two.
Invariably, the difficulty of interpersonal communication is caused by
the secrets of the other person; secrets which, if learnt with empathy, would
break your heart, make you understand and justify the harsh behavior full of
fear and withdrawal. But remaining unknown, the secrets make us attribute each
move against the other person or protecting one’s own face to nothing but bad
will. But it’s all not
about us, but about life. Life that’s hard, dark, with very few glimmers. Sad
and lonely. Addictive.
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