today life created for me an opportunity which got lost in the probability calculus each time I had even started dreaming of it.
and it was perfect. exactly how I'd wanted it to be.
and I missed it. I pretended not to see it. I walked on, starring at the pavement.
not because I got scared.
not because I recognized it too late.
but because deep in my heart, in my consciousness and in the lack of common sense I don't believe I deserve all the things that could have happened if I had actually taken the chance; don't believe I'm good enough; don't believe my quality suits what I'd like to reach for.
I don't know whether there is a person who judges me so critically, who is so merciless towards me, like me myself.
now I'm begging life for one more chance, so that this time I can protect me from myself.
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