for sen rea

like you have now idea, yes, that's how it is, that's the intensity of what I consist of and what I perceive, like the sparrows at Mariensztat, the face of that woman, the nightmares I have and everything I want to be but I'll never become. and I just wish I could stop smiling to make it easier for them to speak, smiling as if I were always sorry, I wish I could hear that deep hoarse voice, I wish it was mine and I wish it spoke my mind, my love, my passion, and then my fear and yearning, too, so, yes, everything that once questioned my right to pursue happiness, now I want to acknowledge it, declare independence and go, yes, feel the movement, because I don't think it can last any longer, it seems to me the time is now, and if it doesn't come, if it can't be, because it is possible that the universe won't have it for me, well, if these ways won't stop squeezing, if it has to be, then I might just give up, because I feel, like I once felt, that it is not for me, so, have the courage, step down, leave. sometimes you can't wait any longer for the universe to happen.