the sentimental routine? yes please.

Christmas has already begun to do its job. Having baked saffron cakes and two baking pans of apple pie I got spine ache and oddly optimistic buzz in my head. It tells me that those endless squabbles and wrangles between my father and me are some kind of proof that we both care, that we feel there's something to fight for. Then it hums that my inability to fit in has its other positive side of the coin - I never get bored when I'm alone. Or that being workaholic makes me a reliable and solid person; finally: that I feel this goddamn Christmas slowly unfolding love and affection inside me.
I guess those who to stake all Christmas things on one roll of the dice, a sarcastic and caricatured one, lose a lot out of the simplest folk joy. The part of myself I really like is that I'm so susceptible to collective euphoria or hysteria. That I easily get deceived by all those Hollywood tricks (not to mention the Bollywood ones!) and I cling to the natural, healthy sources of the warmth.
I knew people who keep on building the mysteries about themselves, higher and deeper that what most of us know; those wet blankets jeering at the routine, traditional cultural or social models... They are interesting people, true; they have to be since they spend most of the time working on self-creation, taking each and every detail of their self-portraits so seriously. And they are sad and bitter people – the living proves that even the finest opposition against the old rules of this world must turn out a poor dud, an untimely ejaculation or something of the sort.
All I'm saying is that I'm going to jump into the smell of the hay under the tablecloth, the Christmas tree and never ending dishes with premeditation and great pleasure. And I'm going to get moved, I'm going to forget all those dreadful things I was told only few weeks ago, and I'm going to take lots of photos that no one ever spends a minute to look at. It all won't change a thing, I'll just finish another annual circle, the safest circle on this earth – the best thing I can do for myself right now.
Merry Christmas and in the New Year – may Tibet be free!