Annoyance. I'm shivering with cold as another weekend in the countryside is wet. Last night I had one of those dreams in whose deep meaning we would love to believe. My alarm clock didn't go off this morning so I asked my father to give me a lift to the town, where I got too early and froze, waiting for M. Now I'm wrapped up with a sweater and I love the fresh air that gets through the balcony window as the devil loves holy water.
I'm thinking about a real chance to be what we want to be, one that all of us should have. And I don't mean only job, filling your day with activities of some significance, some bright and simple kind of sense, far from a list of duties that so many people are left to make do with, some peaceful joy in participating in the literal part of reality.
Also in psychological and emotional terms the ideal self should (goddamnit) be one of options. We deserve it, if we are burdened with, for example, yearnings.
"Should" is nothing, just like our wishful thinking and hoping for all the best for ourselves and others. But I stick to this "should" as nothing else comes to my mind in response to the stories I hear, full of blockades and barriers created by the lot, circumstances or, most of the times, ourselves.
From which the self-made ones seem most malignant.
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