may it be a blessing

Today it occurred to me that the way people react to my family name change actually tells a lot about themselves.

My Mom: /sigh/ ...but what for?
My Dad: /laughing nervously/ ... well... um... you are important for us, not your name!
My Sister: ...you're quite a something...
B.: mazel tov!
flatmate: oh... but what did your parents say to this?!
Al.: /quiet admiration/
Bart.: why? when? what for? I feel like I wanna know more but I also feel I'm not going to get it...

to be read as:
- reluctance to diverge from social norms when it is not necessary,
- largely suppressed sensitivity,
- resignation as a lifestyle,
- awesomeness :)
- uptight adherence to social patterns,
- favorable support approach,
- interpersonal communication disorder

respectively.

this really is fun.

Dear National Health Fund,

I'm sorry for being sick at weekends and on holidays as well as on weekdays between 6 p.m. and 8 a.m.
I'm sorry that my clinic is closed on a Catholic holiday and that my surgeon is having his summer leave.
I'm sorry that I can't stand it all and I'm crying.
I'm sorry for the referral I'm holding in my hand.
I'm sorry I've come, I'm sorry I'm sitting in this, sorry, shabby corridor in the hospital basement, right when the nurse is having her brunch.
I'm sorry for the hole in my leg and the one in my back, I'm sorry that the wounds fester and hurt.
I'm sorry I don't have an arm cut off and that blood is not flowing in torrents, therefore, I don't have to be treated at the emergency department.
I'm sorry for the complications developed in my organism and I'm sorry I don't have the hospital ticket with the number.
I'm sorry for my blood and that the dressing has come off.
I'm sorry for my body.
I'm sorry I can't go away cause I can't afford a private appointment.
I'm sorry for being alive.
I won't do it again.

simple present

today I went for a walk with Mom. it was the first evening that felt chilly, nearly like fall. the smell of apples, dampness and grass. the sun still warming our sholders, still dazzling at sunset.
August makes me think of Olg. and of times when what I have now was an exciting, scary future.

Seclusion Near a Forest

last night I went to see a Czech movie (Na samotě u lesa)
then I drank a cup of green tea and ate some raspberries while I chatted with O.
and when I fell asleep, I dreamt of rainbow killer whales
(and of Her).

it was probably the most beautiful dream I've ever had.

in the morning I sent my CV to a company with its premises in the Czech Republic.
at 3 p.m. they already called me back.

Schulz was right.
the parallel worlds always find their way to our lives.

congratulations on your...

"to look life in the face...
always to look life in the face,
and to know it for what it is.
at last, to know it,
to love it for what it is,
and then...

to put it away."

the heavy golden hour

yesterday I met a girl with blond curly hair and we talked for so long that I had a sore throat when I got back home.

I'm learning how to drive. beware.

someone in the neighborhood is listening to the Amélie soundtrack with the windows open wide. it's a warm sunny afternoon.

it is hard to capture the moment when I'm slipping from the serene delight at the simplicity of things – into the stinging sorrow and the sense of lack.

outbox

last night I had a dream about you
this time last year
the golden evening
red wine your tears
it was when it started all over
with redoubled strength

two weeks later I said it was funny though it was already clear we were on the skids

I still think it funny
such a shame
what a pity
nothing left

I'd known
"how she would always always
how she would never never
I'd watched and listened
but I still [...]"