I ate the hard fruit candy that the V-Girl spat out before She left.
there ain't nothing I can do to make Her forget obstacles Switzerland the whole big world outside
and want me instead
I had rushed into your life
And you were dumbfounded
I wanted love
But you did not want it
Maybe I am not saying what I need
Please listen
Listen
I am giving you the stars,
Selling my soul -
Listen harder!
And I was dreaming that…
That the people wanted something else
I was wrong
I ended up myself under fire
The first snow is outside
But even that is for nothing
You are silent
Listen
My god, you know I am a cynic
And you are talking about some soul…
Have mercy on my ears!
I understand the conversations are pointless
I don't want to fight with you
You believe,
You know more than I do
One can fly off -
Fly away -
Fly too much
One can leave
Or stay
But you are - melting
Snow
Forty minutes flew by
Like the word "tomorrow"
There is snow on the boots
And total lies in the eyes
I am so tired
Exactly what did you want?
Do you know that yourself?
Probably not,
And that's why you are just fooling around
Wasting my time
I understand the conversations are pointless
I don't want to fight with you
You believe,
You know more than I do
One can fly off -
Fly away -
Fly too much
One can leave
Or stay
But you are - melting
Snow
2011/04/12
2011/04/09
JWvG
Oftmals hab' ich auch schon in ihren Armen gedichtet,
Und des Hexameters Mass leise mit fingernder Hand
Ihr auf dem Rücken gezählt.
[Often have I composed poems even in her arms,
Counting the hexameter’s beat softly with fingering hand
There on the back of the beloved.]
Und des Hexameters Mass leise mit fingernder Hand
Ihr auf dem Rücken gezählt.
[Often have I composed poems even in her arms,
Counting the hexameter’s beat softly with fingering hand
There on the back of the beloved.]
I love V-words in English.
variety. vagina. vulva. virginity? Virginia Woolf/is for lovers. vague. vanilla [in the Shane McCutcheon sense]. vintage. vanishing [act]. vegetarian! verbalize. viscious circle. virtual hands. vivid! vivid!
most of all, I love when one beautiful girl I know makes the V-gesture, like the one the House Guy did.
most of all, I love when one beautiful girl I know makes the V-gesture, like the one the House Guy did.
2011/04/04
downtempo in the phoenix city
the champaign bubbles of life when I'm choking with tears and breath
the air the air the air
sometimes I lose my habit of exhalation, that's when I put a shell from my hands to my mouth, reducing the amount of the inhaled life, finally, I stop choking.
I wash down my chocolate cigarettes with the lemon balm and lavender tea.
two years ago at this time of year something broke, too, and bent steeply downwards. I took my summer exams in half-sleep, doped after the paroxetine. now I don't live at the Joli Bord any more, now it's the tarry, hot city center. with a blond girl still living next door, but now a different one, a dyed one, one more prone to cooperation, not on the level I'm likely to cooperate with her, though.
so,
I daydream of a one-room apartment. does anybody feel like sparing me 1500 PLN a month?
today, when people talked to me, the tension in my head opened a straight way to madness. it was like a fresh tablecloth, white bread and sobriety when all I need is night, martini and dancing till I sweat like a pig.
I need a healing micro-world, a herbal comfort in a blissful state of mind two meters over the ground, I need some chamomile on my eyes, some lemon balm on my tongue, some cannabis on my brain.
I need it to be quiet and clean, I want this hotchpotch of scraps, the leftovers, the broken sentences, the unfinished thoughts, to go down at once.
I sleep naked in the embryonic position, I wait and I believe that this Spring solstice will finally rumble through the time and space somewhere high above, beyond our awareness, without the active role of the city's forces - grease - muscles, till I wake up, get up, put my favorite gray sneakers on, go out, walk down the street, feel lightly to be moving, without the sense of guilt, without the sadness laying heavy deep inside my head; I'll walk alone, but knowing there are the best people ever within my reach - sight - capabilities. and I'll be able to exhale, without the grief, without the chopped feeling of a loss.
the air the air the air
sometimes I lose my habit of exhalation, that's when I put a shell from my hands to my mouth, reducing the amount of the inhaled life, finally, I stop choking.
I wash down my chocolate cigarettes with the lemon balm and lavender tea.
two years ago at this time of year something broke, too, and bent steeply downwards. I took my summer exams in half-sleep, doped after the paroxetine. now I don't live at the Joli Bord any more, now it's the tarry, hot city center. with a blond girl still living next door, but now a different one, a dyed one, one more prone to cooperation, not on the level I'm likely to cooperate with her, though.
so,
I daydream of a one-room apartment. does anybody feel like sparing me 1500 PLN a month?
today, when people talked to me, the tension in my head opened a straight way to madness. it was like a fresh tablecloth, white bread and sobriety when all I need is night, martini and dancing till I sweat like a pig.
I need a healing micro-world, a herbal comfort in a blissful state of mind two meters over the ground, I need some chamomile on my eyes, some lemon balm on my tongue, some cannabis on my brain.
I need it to be quiet and clean, I want this hotchpotch of scraps, the leftovers, the broken sentences, the unfinished thoughts, to go down at once.
I sleep naked in the embryonic position, I wait and I believe that this Spring solstice will finally rumble through the time and space somewhere high above, beyond our awareness, without the active role of the city's forces - grease - muscles, till I wake up, get up, put my favorite gray sneakers on, go out, walk down the street, feel lightly to be moving, without the sense of guilt, without the sadness laying heavy deep inside my head; I'll walk alone, but knowing there are the best people ever within my reach - sight - capabilities. and I'll be able to exhale, without the grief, without the chopped feeling of a loss.
2011/03/17
exitement, exactly.
with the back all wet
and the bike leaned against the left iliac spine
I repeat certain phrases and motions intentionally
to have it one more time
exercising my mind, I imagine sb-sth disappears suddenly
I make a transformation into the past tense
I print it on a transparency, raise it against the city lights at five p.m.
in March it's already twilight
what one is forbidden
is to feel frightened and guilty
too much
cherry liqueur as sweet as sirup flexibly concentrated in a tiny dot
of blood
intensified life form
tight strings
of unhurried interaction
at night
and the bike leaned against the left iliac spine
I repeat certain phrases and motions intentionally
to have it one more time
exercising my mind, I imagine sb-sth disappears suddenly
I make a transformation into the past tense
I print it on a transparency, raise it against the city lights at five p.m.
in March it's already twilight
what one is forbidden
is to feel frightened and guilty
too much
cherry liqueur as sweet as sirup flexibly concentrated in a tiny dot
of blood
intensified life form
tight strings
of unhurried interaction
at night
2011/03/07
that's a must! x 3
~ Jeanette Winterson's March post
I stick with my list of small things; buy good local food. Buy stuff that is sustainable. Use my local bookshop. Get the bike out as much as possible – spring will make that easier. Plant those plants that support biodiversity. Even a window box is worth it, and I have a fondness for window-boxes – so small and cheerful. Don’t buy bloody dwarf conifers stuck in a tub – plant something you would like if you were a bird or an insect or a bee. Plant annuals with scent – nature loves colour and smell – old fashioned sweet peas grown from seed – start them in March in a pot – you will love them too, and once they start to flower you can cut them everyday and more will come. Magic!
Wear clothes you like wearing and buck the billion dollar fashion industry that is turning us all into hysterics.
[...]
Try and be gentle with yourself.
~ Endangered Species Women
with the Emma Thompson's supporter:
~ AnyBody
contains compulsive eating workshop. quite scary. quite revealing.
I stick with my list of small things; buy good local food. Buy stuff that is sustainable. Use my local bookshop. Get the bike out as much as possible – spring will make that easier. Plant those plants that support biodiversity. Even a window box is worth it, and I have a fondness for window-boxes – so small and cheerful. Don’t buy bloody dwarf conifers stuck in a tub – plant something you would like if you were a bird or an insect or a bee. Plant annuals with scent – nature loves colour and smell – old fashioned sweet peas grown from seed – start them in March in a pot – you will love them too, and once they start to flower you can cut them everyday and more will come. Magic!
Wear clothes you like wearing and buck the billion dollar fashion industry that is turning us all into hysterics.
[...]
Try and be gentle with yourself.
~ Endangered Species Women
with the Emma Thompson's supporter:
~ AnyBody
contains compulsive eating workshop. quite scary. quite revealing.
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