for Marek
a neurotic mouth dryness
huge feminine legs
as if seen through Schulz's eyes
a symphony
the bows slide on the veins
deep inside
a sultry smell
of a brilliant madness
until everything is flooded by the water
and only the Slavic soul
- the phantom at the opera
for Nina
on spec
'cause why not
breast, blush, a sip of champagne
sea breeze
shout
slamming of a limo door
the earrings are there to glitter
and to be
for Daria
the tide woman
the juices of life
red and orange with the flow
along the spiral
higher and higher
to the face close to which
many wanted to get warm
a pulsating sun
from the inside a small silver Tosia flows out
the eyes of the Aquarius
the tide woman
sunflowers
in the window of a lighthouse
for Vixo
those waves over your head
amniotic fluid
green shoots up your legs
underwater orchestra
threads of cigarette smoke
warm tides
champagne bubbles from the lips
you dance on the bottom
to "I Put a Spell On You" by Nina Simone
is it the ocean
or is it an aquarium at an amusement park
2009/07/10
2009/07/08
spinning July
Every day falls deep into my stomach. The chakra gets satiated but it also expands. What happened a week ago now seems whole light years away. Literally, these are the years full of glow with Tracy's concert at the Forest Opera being the brightest point. The air smelled with humidity and her voice was clear and warm. I felt like going home with her, I didn't want that energy to leave me. The sweetest. The strongest. I don't want to walk away. I took deep breaths to inhale as much as I could, but it was only a moment anyway. I raised my head and the stage was dark and cold again.
I went down because the yearning got swollen. I found a hollow and I was hot and wet from my tears. My temple, as if magnetized, sought for another one to cling to. The next morning was rainy and cold, and the streets of Sopot were pale. The sand was still damp since the night, far away some sails undulated on the horizon. The wind blew warmer and warmer. Strawberry M. joined me, it began to rain and she danced in the sea with an umbrella in her hand. There was a good laugh and a hypnotizing conversation that we sank into with hunger for words and attention. I laid my head on her knees. I was safe.
Another cut, I'll see D. today, for the first time since almost four years. I'll see the face of the woman that wants a divorce and I'll try not to show how the mere thought about it makes me internally contracted.
For now I wouldn't be even able to recognize her walk on the street. I don't even know what color she is. Four years.
I went down because the yearning got swollen. I found a hollow and I was hot and wet from my tears. My temple, as if magnetized, sought for another one to cling to. The next morning was rainy and cold, and the streets of Sopot were pale. The sand was still damp since the night, far away some sails undulated on the horizon. The wind blew warmer and warmer. Strawberry M. joined me, it began to rain and she danced in the sea with an umbrella in her hand. There was a good laugh and a hypnotizing conversation that we sank into with hunger for words and attention. I laid my head on her knees. I was safe.
Another cut, I'll see D. today, for the first time since almost four years. I'll see the face of the woman that wants a divorce and I'll try not to show how the mere thought about it makes me internally contracted.
For now I wouldn't be even able to recognize her walk on the street. I don't even know what color she is. Four years.
2009/07/06
the next morning
It's all the same fucking day, Janis was right
you open your eyes but the day hasn't stopped
the demon still weighs on the breast
hours grow stronger, the body falls down
uniformly and invariably
what's empty won't fill up
legs lead to a dead end
or along a circle
you can undertake to do something
you can stand still to the very end
the stigma remains on the forehead
movements make you forget only for a while
----------------------------------------------
Raise your head, look. Nothing's going to change for you, there is no you and there is nothing that you're not a part of.
That moment was beautiful, behind it you could see happiness that will never come true. The next morning you can only cry, coldness, the way to the sea. There is no solace, but on the foggy background the sails bend, look. Between you and the sky there is enough space for your yearning, for all your heart.
you open your eyes but the day hasn't stopped
the demon still weighs on the breast
hours grow stronger, the body falls down
uniformly and invariably
what's empty won't fill up
legs lead to a dead end
or along a circle
you can undertake to do something
you can stand still to the very end
the stigma remains on the forehead
movements make you forget only for a while
----------------------------------------------
Raise your head, look. Nothing's going to change for you, there is no you and there is nothing that you're not a part of.
That moment was beautiful, behind it you could see happiness that will never come true. The next morning you can only cry, coldness, the way to the sea. There is no solace, but on the foggy background the sails bend, look. Between you and the sky there is enough space for your yearning, for all your heart.
2009/07/05
my mantra
On July 5th I was at the concert of Tracy Chapman.
I was at the concert of Tracy Chapman.
The concert of Tracy Chapman.
Tracy Chapman.
I was at the concert of Tracy Chapman.
The concert of Tracy Chapman.
Tracy Chapman.
2009/07/03
echoes in the summertime
summer makes me bend my head down
a drop on my nape
the hair fall in a fan
sultry, sweet
shadows when the sun is fading away
like a gong
echoes undulate over the yellowed grass
hot heart beats under the thin layer
of the soil
a drop on my nape
the hair fall in a fan
sultry, sweet
shadows when the sun is fading away
like a gong
echoes undulate over the yellowed grass
hot heart beats under the thin layer
of the soil
2009/07/02
let it rain
Today was totally untypical.
I met with J., with whom I hardly ever, well, make a real appointment with a clear purpose to turn out at the same place and time. Usually, we see each other in a bigger circle of people or we just accidentally run across each other. We smoked slims though we're both non-smokers, especially when there's only the two of us. J. drank bear, I drank coke while the usual scheme is that I look around for alcohol and she gives nothankyous all night long. But the most weird is that we talked about ourselves for real. For the last two years I met her once in six months and today in just three hours I told her more than I've ever told people I meet everyday. (Now that's mathematics.) And I found out about things I never knew or even suspected. And we agreed on most of the stuff. We hugged. I guess we'll see each other tomorrow again.
I came home. For a half an hour a storm raged. Now I'm looking at the torn cotton of gray-blue clouds through window pane covered with rain drops. It's a calm evening.
Sometimes I feel so mentally balanced.
Sometimes life seems simple and spacious.
I met with J., with whom I hardly ever, well, make a real appointment with a clear purpose to turn out at the same place and time. Usually, we see each other in a bigger circle of people or we just accidentally run across each other. We smoked slims though we're both non-smokers, especially when there's only the two of us. J. drank bear, I drank coke while the usual scheme is that I look around for alcohol and she gives nothankyous all night long. But the most weird is that we talked about ourselves for real. For the last two years I met her once in six months and today in just three hours I told her more than I've ever told people I meet everyday. (Now that's mathematics.) And I found out about things I never knew or even suspected. And we agreed on most of the stuff. We hugged. I guess we'll see each other tomorrow again.
I came home. For a half an hour a storm raged. Now I'm looking at the torn cotton of gray-blue clouds through window pane covered with rain drops. It's a calm evening.
Sometimes I feel so mentally balanced.
Sometimes life seems simple and spacious.
dobranoc
When Jeanette Winterson appears in my dream, speaking Polish fluently and kissing me on my forehead, I wonder what's the probability that she really... well, that she really does speak Polish.
When a few days later I dream of Tracy Chapman holding my hand, I begin to think I'll start sleeping like my cat, 18 hours a day. And just dream, and dream, and dream...
When a few days later I dream of Tracy Chapman holding my hand, I begin to think I'll start sleeping like my cat, 18 hours a day. And just dream, and dream, and dream...
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