bridges burnt

Today in my mailbox, apart from a dozen of leaflets, from which each had to be X-rayed in case there was an advice note, I also found a white, long envelope without sender or addressee. Clean, bulging, sealed.
My head – already spinning since I'm on the pills – started to buzz even more. Maybe it's A. She was here, didn't want to go upstairs, maybe she was afraid. Or maybe she came only with the intention to leave the envelope. It would be her first words since... autumn? In autumn I ignored everything. Sometime in the winter I sent her clothes back. No, not A.
So maybe M. It's so like her. She's been here too, so she knows the address. Inside there will be something warm, an invitation for a cup of tea or a play at the theater. Or simply a few sheets of words.
Or maybe anybody. Some kind of "come on, just pop in". Or "it's been enough".
Or at least some secret intrigue.



Quite easy to guess: an election brochure of some yokel. To cap it all, he's from the Law and Justice party.

alright for my dream

it's May
I'm at the tender age of 21

it could be sweet

pills.

strawberries in town.
charming are the people – until they come closer.
who will know, what may happen to me.

lemon balm

Last Friday A. – visibly eager for a conversation - made me come to a stop on the hall at the university. Our talk ran smoothly, sentences exchanged like the ball in ping-pong, the thread out of control. About absolutely nothing, with both of us interrupted halfway, going to places to do things.
Maybe I wouldn't have been so surprised, if I hadn't had to carry the immense load of silence only the day before when I was sitting next to A. at our dance classes, and hearing a one word answer after each of my desperate attempts to engage in the conversation.
I'm wondering whether it was a matter of coincidence or A.'s remorse.

Now it's one of the Sundays after the weekend at parents' place. In the fridge I have some herbs from my mother for the days to follow. To keep me strong.

for a dream

"It's alright
All that I can claim
It's alright
And it will have to do
It's alright
Better than the pain
It's alright
Better than the truth
It's alright
alright for a dream
It's alright
Better than fate and the grand scheme
It's alright"